My Diagnosis

"Everything is super important, until you are sick. Then you realise there was only ever one thing that was important.. your health" 

I actually remember this time of my life so vividly, I had bleeding each time i went to the toilet for months before i actually told anyone. 

Obviously, being the medical professional that i am, i googled my symptoms and reassured myself they would 'disappear' I was 17, at sixthform with a healthy social life... who has time to be ill?! 

The loss of blood had caused me to become severely Anaemic and Iron deficient meaning I experienced muscle weakness, cramps and pain, these specifically in my legs. I used to have a fair walk to sixth form on the days my mum was working and I remember ringing my friend crying in pain and I'd only made it to the end of my street. At this point, obviously I hadn't told anyone what was going on so I got the typical 'oh you're just lazy' response. 
I remember being really skinny and so so pale, no amount of fake tan or bright orange Sally Hansen 'airbrushed legs' was hiding this. 

I finally told my mum and that was it.. straight to the Doctor I go, followed by a trip to A&E as my haemoglobin levels were dangerously low. I was admitted for 7 days and had various intravenous drugs and tests before the official diagnosis.  I was due to be going on my first girls holiday to Malia the following week.. so you can imagine my reaction when the consultant tells me I can't go. Anyway, I had my suitcase packed for what felt like a year, so I had the ultimate strop and was adamant I was not missing this holiday (still the absolute best holiday to date FYI). 
My mum sent me off with my 28 tablets a day sectioned into small money bags so i couldn't get confused or forget any. I remember the boys in the room next door thinking we were some sort of drug dealers! 

Admittedly a week of partying wasn't the best idea and i was bed bound for the following week. I had to sell my V-festival ticket which felt like the end of the world as our first group festival together. 

I still hadn't told any friends what my condition was or what was actually going on, I guess it all came down to embarrassment and the simple fact I didn't really understand it myself, I'd never heard of Crohns or Ulcerative Colitis and suddenly it's something I'd have for life. I remember my 3 best friends visiting me at home and I just said 'I've got ulcers in my stomach' which at the time was much easier to talk about than the reality. 

The truth is, no one asks to be ill. No one imagines or expects to have a lifelong illness, and it could literally happen to anyone, at any moment. There's still certain things I won't discuss about my illness and yes I do still feel embarrassed at times, but I remind myself that I didn't ask for or cause this and nor can I change it, so let's embrace it, discuss it and make it more 'normal'.